Been Busy!
Sorry, I'm blogging to let you guys know that I've been super busy with life.
If time permits I might blog the story again, but as of right now I have no time to concentrate on it yet.
If you'd like to make some suggestions about where the story should be headed, please feel free to comment.
Last year I went to see Michelle Krusiec in Made In Taiwan in New York City. I'll blog about that experience soon with a few pictures that I took.
See ya!
-Duong
Dear Mom...
Prologue:
I do not claim to be a great writer. I am a very modest person from very meager beginnings. I did not attend any fancy schools to earn an English or literary degree to write, so what you read here may sound awkward and it may sound rough... but at least it was written from the heart--pure and honest. All I want to do is to share my experiences about my life with her. She would've wanted that. So, I write to remember, to relive, and to rejoice a life that has inspired me to be a strong and independent woman.
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Today marks the start of Lunar New Year. A week filled with joy, new hopes, good food and family. I haven't been writing like I promised I would, so my resolution for this new year is to write whenever I can. I've been ignoring it for quite some time because I do not want to relive the pain. But maybe by writing again, it'll help mend the wounds a little easier. So, that's my resolution for this year--to write.
We were dirt-poor, but somehow as a child, I never once felt poor because you made ends meet. Do you remember that time when you divided a single chocolate bar with a knife into four for us? I was only in elementary school then, but I remember every detail vividly. The other kids were hasty and always gobbled the chocolate up right away, but I on the other hand, wanted to savor the moment for as long as I could. Sometimes I would delicately nibble at my hunk of chocolate like a rabbit, and sometimes I would place the whole thing in my mouth and let it melt away. On occasion I would tease my younger siblings by opening my mouth and showing them what I had left after they had devoured their morsels in one bite. After a few times, Mary learned her lesson and tried to compete with me. There were a few times when she didn't touch her portion and saved it for a whole day! I was furious... I was beat by my younger sister at my own game.
New Year's has always been my favorite time of the year. I remember all the painstaking preparations that you went through to get the house ready for visitors. I didn't realize how much care and thought you put into it until after I moved out of the house as an adult. But I'm truly grateful that you took the time to give us the best New Year's possible.
Our small three bedroom house smelled of moist sweet sticky rice cakes boiling and of crispy fried coconut strips. This was when I knew it was New Year's. Dad woke us up at the crack of dawn to get the house in tip-top shape. It didn't take long because there were so many of us in the house; at the most, ten kids! I'm still awestruck that you were capable to have that many kids, but you loved us each the same despite what the others may feel now. Dad loved his stereo system, so he loved blasting Vietnamese love songs as we all cleaned. It was annoying and embarrassing since the whole neighborhood could hear it. But Trung and I sang along in our broken Vietnamese as best as we could. We liked making idiots of ourselves because it made things funner for everyone. Never was there a dull moment in the house and how can a house of ten children ever be quiet? [note to self: finish this part up]
People today are still shocked when I say that I have five brothers and four sisters. "Ten," I say... which is usually followed by an echo of, "Ten?" Normally, I smile, nod and wait for the next random question which is usually one of the following:
"With the same parents?" --- Yes.
"How is it like?" --- Fun and noisy.
"What number are you?" --- Oldest until I was thirteen or fourteen.
"Huh?" --- Exactly.
I didn't know that I had an older sister that was left behind in Vietnam until I was in 5th grade or so. None of us knew. Looking back on it now, the signs were everywhere. In 2nd or 3rd grade, I remember staring at a framed photo of a baby girl on the wall of the living room. The photo yellowed with age seemed important to you and Dad. I didn't know who this girl was and I believed I was the oldest child in the family. In the end, I decided to myself that that photo was of me. I thought to myself, "Why would they hang a photo of someone else's baby on the wall? It has to be me."
For a couple of months I was proud to have my photo up on the wall. I bragged to my two brothers and sister at the time, "Look! I'm the favorite here! You see that photo on the wall? That's me!" But deep down inside, I had a feeling that it wasn't me. I tried to compare my own baby pictures against the one on the wall. Why were my baby pictures in nice glossy colored photo paper? The one on the wall was old, not from this time, not from this country... it almost looked surreal. Not wanting to be crushed by the reality of it all, I forgot about the baby on the wall until...
I saw a big bag filled with brand new clothes, brand new color crayons, brand new paper, and candy that you brought home one day at night. My eyes were wide open gaping at the bag full of joy before me. Christmas came early this year, I thought. My hands quickly reached for the crayon set and paper. Drawing and coloring was a favorite hobby of mine and to receive a fresh set of crayons and paper was heaven for me. "That's not for you!" you said. "Then who is it for?" I asked as I placed the crayon set down. "For your sister in Vietnam," you said. My little brain started working and I finally connected the dots. That's when the baby on the wall came back into the picture, I pointed at her, "Is it for her? Is that even my picture?" All I remember was a "Yes, that's her." The conversation ended at that.
For the longest time, I dreamed about having an older sibling to take the responsibility of guiding and protecting the younger ones. So, finally it came true. I wouldn't need to protect Trung from the neighborhood bullies, I wouldn't need to cover for Mary when she was being naughty, and most importantly I wouldn't have to be the voice of reason any longer. [note: continue with this later]
[random]
From a young age, I knew that I was a minority living in America. At home, we ate rice, fish, meat and stir fried or boiled vegetables everyday. Occasionally, we would have hot noodle soup (pho). We spoke Vietnamese at home to our parents, but we spoke English to our friends and siblings. At school, it was not any different even though half of the school was made up of South east Asian immigrants. Oddly enough, I remember my first day of Kindergarten. I'm not sure why this day stuck out in my mind. Living in such a diverse community, meant that many Americans did not know how to pronounce my name. This is a common problem that I have even in adulthood, though I've come to terms with it. Back to my first day of Kindergarten... I remember it was time for introductions. Each child was required to go up to the front of the class, say their name and sit back down. When it was my turn, I don't know why, but I said, "Hi, my name is..." slight pause. (People cannot pronounce my name correctly, I'm different. I have to adjust it so it's easier for non-Asians to say it). So, "DONG," came out of my mouth. Yes, like "Ding Dong, the witch is dead." Or like the videogame gorilla "Donkey Kong." This one little decision that I made as a 5-6 year old would taunt me for the rest of my school life. Why couldn't I have a "normal" name like Angela, Jessica or Mary? Something that was normal and easy to pronounce. Something "American."
As I grew older, I came to appreciate my name and the symbolism that it carried. In high school, when my friends started changing their names to Julie, Tiffany, Felicia and such, I just felt sad for them. Were they not proud of their heritage? Were they not proud of what their parents gave them? Were they not proud to be Asian? Whenever possible, I always called my friends by their real names, not by their bastardized made up names that they picked out for themselves. I stuck with my name because there's a grand story behind it.
[randomness: A hundred lifetimes... ]
Labels: dear mom
Petition for Wil and Viv to be on The L Word
The L word is the first of its kind, showcasing almost every flavor of the LGBT spectrum in its short 5 season run thus far. The show has dealt with racism, ageism, gays in the military, bi-racial relationships, alcoholism, drug related addictions and a host of other issues that afflict the United States currently. Not only do these issues affect the LGBT community stateside, but they are easily relatable to the international community as well. We have seen a small number of ethnicities represented on the L word from African American to Latin American, but there's one segment that the producers of the show have not represented and that is the Asian American group.
According to
Wikipedia, Asian Americans account for 5.1% of the US population, in terms of numbers that is roughly 15.2 million people. Of this 15.2 million, it is estimated that over 45% of Asian Americans live in major metropolitan areas in California, which is the backdrop for the L Word.
With every group, there's a struggle for voices to be heard in America. America prides itself as a big melting pot representing people from every country and background imaginable, and The L Word has taken a big step towards furthering awareness of the LGBT community to the broader audience. As a result, regardless of Asian representation on the show, we, the Asian (American) LGBT community, have faithfully followed The L Word in hopes of one day seeing a familiar face to latch on to. That said, we only have a small handful of movies that we hold close to our hearts. One of these movies is our darling "Saving Face," written and directed by Asian American Alice Wu.
Written from a very personal point of view by Alice Wu,
Saving Face chronicles the lives of Chinese-American lesbian doctor, Wilhelmina "Wil" Pang portrayed by Michelle Krusiec, her traditionalist mother, Hwei-Lan Gao "Ma" portrayed by Asian screen legend, Joan Chen and Wil's dancer-lover Vivian Shing, played by Lynn Chen. Released in 2004, Saving Face has received accolades which include nominations for Outstanding Film - Limited Release (GLAAD Media Awards 2006), Breakthrough Director Award for Alice Wu (Gotham Awards 2005), and Best Actress Award for Michelle Krusiec (Golden Horse Award 2005 - the Oscar equivalent in China). Krusiec's performance was 1 vote away from taking the gold, but the film won the Golden Horse Award for Viewer's Choice--which proves the mainstream appeal of this quaint non-traditionalist film in a traditionalist country, like China. Like The L Word is to the American LGBT audience, Saving Face is truly the first of its kind for the Asian (American) LGBT community.
But with the last season of The L Word upon us, we would like to strongly urge the producers and the writers to include some Asian representation into the storyline. It is in the best interests of the LGBT community, the Asian community, even the International community that the writers and producers of The L Word join forces with Alice Wu in developing a short appearance or a (slightly more ambitious) storyline that involve our beloved Asian-American lesbian couple, Wil and Viv, on The L Word.
Please do not take this as ungratefulness or demand. We do not wish to disrespect the producers and writers of The L Word with this petition. This is just our small cry as L Word fans, as a part of the LGBT community, as Americans, and finally as humans, for some acknowledgement on The L Word. Please hear our cry.
To sign the petition go here:
http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/wilvivlword/
Please spread this link around and get your friends, lovers, parents, siblings to sign this! Let's make it happen. :)Labels: Alice Wu, Bisexual, Lynn Chen, Michelle Krusiec, Saving Face
Saving Face 2: Part 55
Wow. It's been a long time since I actually continued the story. As you guys may know I'm a very busy girl. Maybe it's a complex that I have? I have lots of crazy ideas floating in my head and I have to be constantly busy.
Here's a short list of things that I've been busy with:
Fansubbing and translating (Japanese to English)
Painting and drawing
Re-designing and coding my website
Reading (Computer books, Japanese comics, books)
Watching dramas and anime
Learning how to program an app for the iPhone.
Getting tattooed (I have an in-progress half sleeve on my right arm that I'm completing soon)
My well of ideas for Saving Face sort of dried up. But I'll try to continue it.
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The waiter looks at Wil in disbelief and walks away.
Wil composes herself and looks at Dawn and Wil.
She clears her throat...
Wil: Dawn, let's get straight to the point. We've been great friends. The three of us. But in order for us to get through this, I have to set it straight. I love Vivian with all my heart. She is my love, she is my life, she is my everything. There's no one else in this world that has made me feel so complete. That's why it has pained me to see her suffering from my deceit and lies.
Vivian knows about our past. She knows about you and I. She knows that you were my first.
Vivian sniffs and gently pats her eyes dry with the napkin sitting in front of her.
Wil: Vivian knows that I cheated on her with you. It shouldn't have happened, but I didn't know what got into me. I was wrong. We were wrong. We just got caught up in the moment. So, I want to take this time to get everything out in the open. I have nothing to hide from Vivian. I hope you understand and I hope that we can all be friends again.
Dawn: Hm...
Wil and Vivian both look at each other in uncertainty.
Dawn: Well, that's a load off my shoulders. I didn't know what to expect coming here. But I'm glad that you finally had the balls to come out with it. I didn't want to be the one to have to do it. I hope you two have it in your heart to forgive me. I don't know if you know, but Wil was my first love. It was a brief and bittersweet relationship but I never forgot you, Wil. When I saw you that day at the cemetary... all those feelings just rushed back. I hadn't seen you for so long and I missed you so much. But I realize that I acted too rash. So, please forgive me.
Dawn sinks her head down in disappointment and starts sniffing as she cries.
Dawn: I don't want to lose either of you.
Vivian places her arm over Dawn's shoulders and hugs her from the side.
Viv: I, I mean we forgive you.
Dawn and Vivian are hugging each other while sobbing bringing unneeded attention again to their table. Wil is embarrassed and doesn't know what to do, so she stands up with her napkin and waves it around.
Wil: Ta-dah! They're crying because I suck at magic tricks. Everyone, back to your dinners!
Wil rushes to the other side of the table and awkwardly hugs both Viv and Dawn. Wil kisses both of them on the foreheads.
Wil in a whisper: Guys... it's okay. This is supposed to be a happy night, remember? Let's just leave. I think the whole restaurant hates us.
Viv and Dawn both nod.
Wil raises her hand for a waiter: Check please!
Labels: Alice Wu, Bisexual, Lesbian, Lynn Chen, Michelle Krusiec, Relationship, Saving Face
Burma Awareness Clip of Michelle
Remember that clip that Michelle worked on? The kind souls over at Fanista have contacted me and supplied me with a link to it on youtube.
Thanks to Jackie for the heads up!
Please take the time out to support the Burma victims.
Made In Taiwan: Full Report
Despite the horrible motel stay (I slept with the lights and TV on), Made In Taiwan made it all worth it. On the day of the performance, I drove out to the little town where the college was located. XM satellite trance music a-blazing and snacks on hand, I drove comfortably for 2-3 hours till I reached my destination, the Comfort Inn.
Luckily, the Comfort Inn was pretty comfortable. I rested for a few hours in my comfortable bed watching CNN. The show was set to start at 7:30PM, so I left my room around 6:30PM, leaving enough time in case I got lost.
This is a view from my room. o_0 It's like being in another country.
The school was rather hm... different compared to San Francisco State University. Here's some shots:
It started sprinkling so I had my hood on and my pants rolled up because I hate being wet. The students at the box office just looked at me strangely. >_< The box office held onto my ticket because I bought it rather last minute.
Girl in box office: "What's your name?"
Me: "Duong Nguyen." (I pronounced it the "American" way)
Girl: [In confusion, looks at the pile of envelopes that were spread out before her.]
[She hands me an envelope with the name "Xiu" Something]. "Is this you?"
Me: [I blankly stare at her]... "Uh... no."
[All I could think was, This isn't a god damn test. How can you mix up a "D" sound with an "X" sound. Try a little harder! Geez!]
Guy on the side: "No, I think it's this one down here."
Me: "Yes! That's me!"
[I take my envelope and I walk away -_-;; I can't believe that this just happened to me.]
So, I sit around and wait for the show to start. There's signs everywhere that say "Michelle Krusiec's Made In Taiwan is sold out."
Here's a shot of my ticket :-P
Before the show, I was really nervous for some reason. I guess I was nervous for Michelle. The crowd was made up of a lot of older retired teachers and a good bulk were students in their 20s. It's safe to say that 10% of the audience was Asian.
Here's a shot of the stage:
You guys may be wondering what these 3 shiny sheets of metal are for. Michelle doesn't have many props except for these 3 sheets that she uses as imaginary doors, walls and dividers. She also has 2 tan colored ottomans that she uses as chairs, tables, and couches.
Please pardon the crappiness of the photos, I traveled all the way to see the show but I forgot my camera. >_< So I was stuck with the camera on my Iphone.
The place was packed and finally the show started. I don't want to spoil it too much for you guys but it starts off with Michelle slurping noodles in the dark. One man left during the show because he was sick. Another younger couple left because I think the topics offended them. This sorta affected Michelle's performance because I could tell that she was coming in and out of her performance. In turn, it also affected her stage hands who were accompanying her in the performance. Despite these minor setbacks, Michelle hurdled onwards.
Throughout the show, Michelle tells a story of love, compassion, lies, dancing, sex, and noodles. It's a story that most of us can relate to even though the story is so specific to Michelle's life. It was my second time watching the show, and each time that I've watched it, I've cried, I've laughed and I've been inspired.
After the show, Michelle changed and came back for a QA session with the audience. A majority of the crowd left, but a good amount stayed to chat with Michelle and the director. I remember one audience member comparing the show to "The Joy Luck Club." I don't really agree with the comparison because "The Joy Luck Club" is mainly a drama and focused more on the old life back in China (or the native country). "The Joy Luck Club" is also a fictional piece unlike "Made In Taiwan" which is an autobiographical piece written from Michelle's own experiences. I hope one day that MIT is made into a movie. I also raised my hand and asked a question.
Me: "Hi Michelle." (everyone else just asked their question right away)
Michelle: "Hi Duong. Everyone this is my webmistress Duong. She came all the way from San Francisco to see the show and this is her second time seeing it. She's made a site for me where she brings all my fans together."
Crowd: Wow! How sweet! [I shrink into my seat, flushed and embarrassed.]
Me: "So, have your parents seen this?"
Michelle: "Both of my parents have seen this. My dad said, Thank god! Someone else saw what was going on. He felt validated. My mom on the other hand, I'm not sure if she understands most of it. But not much can offend her as you can tell."
[There's more to Michelle's answer but my memory's a little fuzzy right now. Sorry!]
After the QA session wrapped up, I caught Michelle before she tried to run away~~
She gave me a hug and we talked a little. She asked when I was leaving and I said tomorrow around 3. She said, "Let's do breakfast." =O
At breakfast the following day, I chatted with Michelle over lattes and omeletes. Michelle was taken aback by my 3 cheese omelet, which looked strange... o_0 She said, "OMG, have you seen anything like this before? I want to take a picture. But I don't have a camera." So, I took the picture and here it is... It was like being in another country, I tell ya.
We had a nice long chat about work, life, and her show. During a slight pause, I pulled out my MIT program, my Saving Face DVD, and my red Sharpie.
Me: "Here! Before I forget!"
Michelle: "Wow! You know, I really think you are my number 1 fan."
Since I failed in taking any pictures of Michelle while I was at her show, here's a picture of the goodies from the show:
I gave away my other Saving Face DVD to a lucky fan over at Michelle's blog (uh... please claim it Spider-B!), so I bought another one to replace it. To the left is the MIT program. And what is that bag of Goldfish doing there? I'll let you guys figure that out. :)
San Francisco Asian American Film Festival
If you're interested in seeing Joan Chen in person, you might get a chance if you live in the Bay Area! I think tickets are sold out for the after party, but tickets might still be available for the movie screening of her movie "The Home Song Stories." But Joan might make an appearance at the movie. I'm not 100% positive though.
For details, check out the San Francisco International Asian American Film Festival link
here.
Tonight, I went to see the 15th year anniversary of The Joy Luck Club! I was certain that Amy Tan was going to be there but to my surprise and enjoyment Lauren Tom and Ming-Na Wen were both there as well!!!!!
The flyers, programs, and website are not very accurate. The Joy Luck Club did not mention anything about Ming-Na Wen being there! ARGH! I did know that Amy Tan was going to be there.
So while waiting for the film to start, I spotted Amy Tan coming into the theater with her husband. I quickly got up and got her autograph. :-P Amy Tan was a little mean though. ~_~
I ran back to my seat, and off in the distance I notice one of the daughters from the movie. But then... next to her, I see someone that resembled Ming-Na Wen, who is the lead actress in the movie.
"Is that her? Could it be her?"
"There's only one way to find out..."
So, I ran up there with my program, pen and iPhone. I was in utter shock to see that it was Ming-Na Wen!!! OMG!
I asked Ming-Na to sign my program and she was so gracious about it. I asked her what were they doing just standing there? She replied and rolled her eyes, "I don't know!" I then asked someone nearby to take a picture of us. Ming-Na said, "This is Janet, our producer." I didn't know what to say, but "Wow!" I felt a little stupid for asking a big-time producer to take a picture, but she was nice about it.
Here's a shot of Ming-Na pointing to the lens. "Oh, look it's an iPhone and here's the lens."
After Janet, gets a hold of how the iPhone works, this is what she took. >_< Blah! I messed up the picture!
Afterwards, Amy Tan, Lauren Tom, Ming-Na Wen, Wayne Wang and one of the representatives from the film festival went to the stage to talk about the film.
Ming-Na and Lauren Tom are close buddies because they were joking with each other a lot.
So, that was my Monday night. :)
Thursday night, I went to see "Home Song Stories" with Joan Chen. I was sad that Joan wasn't there. I was tricked, deceived by the film festival! Falsely advertising that Joan would be there. ARGH!
But I guess my $30 ticket went to a good cause. -_-;;
Although I didn't get to see Joan Chen in person, I did get to see her great performance in the "Home Song Stories." Her performance will blow you away, so go watch it now!
